Some mornings you wake up and it’s like a brand new day in a life that is an exciting journey. Other mornings, when you wake up, it’s kind of the worst thing ever. My morning was (is, it’s still 8AM) kind of like both of those moments.
One of the adjectives that I hear most often to describe me is sweet. Another is caring. I guess that’s not a big surprise as I love to spread love and help people as best as I can – even if that’s just through a little message saying, “hey, how are you doing? I hope you’re having a morning as lovely as you!” However, those who know me better (like my family) know that I can also be quite difficult and moody at times. I like having things my own way – and if events or people are not perfect, then let hell be unleashed in my mind that it’s not that way. I don’t think I used to be quite as bad, but I guess it can be expected when I went through a very tough last year. I’ve let the troubles of life and the poor Anna, poor Anna to influence me more than I realized, I think, however.
I look to my poor boyfriend to understand the extent of it. I don’t know how he does it, but he takes every little petty argument patiently and avoids the conflict by not arguing back. Of course, that usually makes me more angry as I want him to argue back (I’ve always loved a good argument, there’s no doubt about that). However, I realized this morning that the arguments don’t only affect everyone else around me – it also affects my own mood.
So I grumbled. I mumbled and grumbled about poor Anna for about half an hour (and all the sleep I had lost over this because the stress always gets to me). Then I decided to get up and make a better start. I decided that it was time to make things better and start looking at my own faults rather than finding fault in everything else around me. But first, something to heighten my mood…
Then I started going through the songs I’ll be posting on Facebook later on Facebook (I’m onto the letter T for favourites). The first one was Phil Collin’s song from Brother Bear – Take A Look Through My Eyes – one of my favourites, and it suddenly seemed to carry a meaning perfect for my new resolution… a promise that things WILL get better, a promise that I’ve never really believed over the last year.
There are things in life you learn
And oh in time you’ll see
It’s out there somewhere
It’s all waiting
If you keep believing
Of course, no one changes overnight (or over mornings) and I don’t expect myself to become a sweet little girl right away. It’s going to be a long trek uphill, as I like to say. But I think I’m a little more ready to face that challenge.
(Or maybe that’s just the chai latte speaking.)